


and being thus frighted

by Darkyy



Series: romeo and juliet but they're girls and also mentally ill [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Dissociation, Emetophobia, F/F, Panic Attacks, Poor Girl, Psychosis, Religion, Schizophrenia, Trauma, Vomiting, can we get an f for fawn, lots of italics and commas sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkyy/pseuds/Darkyy
Summary: swears a prayer or two,and sleeps againthis is she,this is she.- romeo and julietor, fawn wakes up and immediately regrets it





	and being thus frighted

**Author's Note:**

> as said in the tags, tw for emeto, panic attacks, religion, dissociation, and just an overall bad time!! i love these girls. also this my first work so its kinda a test of sorts!!

when fawn wakes, it's the pounding in her head that prompts her to snap open her eyes. admittedly, that wasn't a very good move because the first thing she saw when her eyes flew open was red red red, and when she blinked, it was gone. the brief bout of static at the edges of her vision was enough to make her sit up on her elbows. 

she lay on her back in bed, blanket falling over the side, phone near her pillow. reaching out for it, she ignored the way her hand twitched as she clicked it on. squinting at the blast of light, she checked the time. 

2:00 am. fan- _fucking_ -tastic. 

it didn't help that her stomach felt like it was going to burst. or something was going to up and **crawl** out of her throat. 

fawn shivered. her skin crawled with it. 

with the pounding headache and piercing stomach pain, she felt like her entire body was weighed down with lead. just holding herself up made her tired. 

(sabrina would probably tell her it's because she hasn't been getting enough sleep, and she isn't drinking enough water, and she isn't eating enough. 

nothing is ever _enough_ )

she suppressed a grunt of pain as she rolled onto her side, her stomach rolling with it. gritting her teeth, she tried not to think about it too hard. 

(tried not to think of the _red red red_ that plagued her vision when she woke, or the static or the tall, twitching figure in her room. or the pit of dread spread out in her body, knowing something was coming.

tried not to think about her girlfriend, head angled too far to the right to be normal. tried not to think about her snapping, crunching limbs when they grew and stretched and crawled toward her.)

maybe she should call her. or- maybe not. it was two am after all. 

she decided she'd give it a shot anyway. 

it rang once. 

twice. 

"hello?" sabrina's sleepy voice broke through the dial tone. fawn almost wanted to cry at the sound of it. when she opened her mouth to reply, she felt a rush of air leave her throat like she were being choked, and tasted something nasty and thick on her tongue. she swallowed it, despite the knot forming in her throat. 

"hey," she exhaled. since when was she shaking? her voice trembled, soft and breathy and heavy all at once. "hey."

"hey," sabrina says back, concern veiled thinly behind her tired tone. "you okay?"

_i'm pretty sure i'm going fucking insane right now_ , fawn thinks, but bites her tongue. "um. yeah. actually- no. not really. i don't…" and trails off.

when sabrina speaks again, her voice is softer (god she's _perfect_ ) and concern swamps her words. "is it…?" she doesn't need to say it. fawn doesn't want to hear it, when the pain snakes up her chest. 

"yeah…" she mumbles, the left side of her face squished up against her pillow like it was her saving grace, even though it was hot and damp with sweat.

"that bad?" fawn feels something twist in her stomach, and nods. then realizes that sabrina can't see her through a phone call and clears her throat. 

"that bad," she confirms, a hand reaching for the phone before she retracts it. didn't feel like staring at blue light, it hurt her head. there was a moment of silence on the other end, before a small rustle of blankets and a huff of air filled it up. 

"well, i'm coming over. you sound like hell-" fawn winces, hand instinctively shooting up for the cross around her neck, "i mean- no, not hell- you sound like crap. sorry." sabrina quickly recovers. fawn mumbles an it's alright before coughing. her throat kind of feels like a cheese grater. kind of. 

"you don't- you don't have to-" sabrina cuts in, "yes, i do. you sound terrible and i know you haven't been taking care of yourself. i'll be over in a couple minutes." her tone leaves no room for argument, so fawn stays quiet. "love you," she says, before the line goes dead. 

the wait for sabrina is long and agonizing and terribly silent. she should feel comfortable in her own room, and yet there's the unwavering doubt that there's something coming for her. that it's here. that the shadowy figure in the middle of the room is going to come to life, cracking joints, and tear her apart. or that hell will open up and swallow her whole. she clutches the cross harder, knowing it'll leave marks on her chin, but not really caring. 

the cross should be something she resents, but she views it as a beacon of safety. she should hate it, should tear from her neck screaming and throw it into the dark abyss, but she doesn't. instead, she brings her knees to her chest and exhales hard through her nose. 

a knock at the door is enough to jolt her out of her thoughts. 

"it's me," sabrina calls softly, like she was afraid of spooking her. _newsflash, i've been spooked this entire time._ fawn thinks. "come in," she says instead, shaking her head a bit as she unfurls her knees. 

"brought water," she smiles, flashing a water bottle in her hand and setting it down on fawn's nightstand. fawn's not sure she can even stomach water at the moment, but her throat feels like the sahara desert, so she lets it go. "thanks," she says, still holding onto her necklace. her free hand idly taps her knee as her leg bounces, making her body bounce along with it. 

sabrina frowns, looking around the room in the dim light and kicking a bottle of wine away. "you should really clean this place up." she should, but she's too tired. too tired to leave her bed for more than 5 minutes. sabrina frowns deeper at her silence, at her bouncing leg. 

at the look, fawn stills, albeit hesitant. the sickness in her stomach twists further, and she feels something crawling up her chest, up her throat. 

"oh god," she manages to choke out. her hands shook more than they had before, and a brief flash of red makes her jerk forward. this catches sabrina off guard, who puts her hands up to catch the other girl. "what's going on? are you okay?" her voice is calm, but there's an inkling of panic underneath. she could have another seizure, or could collapse from exhaustion, or, 

"god," fawn says again, eyes unfocused. she has to get it out of her. have to get it out of her. have to get out. 

her feet hit the carpet hard. her footsteps thump heavy as she darts to the bathroom, sabrina following quickly behind. 

"gotta get out, get out, _oh god get out _," fawn wheezes, hyperventilating as she crouches over the toilet. her hands are pallid and trembling as she grips the side of the bowl. the thing is pushing at her stomach and chest and throat.__

__she wretches into the bowl with a strangled noise, vodka and bits of leftover pizza mixing together. or maybe it was blood._ _

__she wheezes, wretches again, though the pain has subsided greatly now. her head still pounded and constricted._ _

__hazily, she thinks she feels sabrina pull back her hair, keeping a steady hand on her back as she wretches a final time. when she pulls back, she coughs sharply and loosens her grip on the toilet. fawn gasps for air a couple times before the tears come out._ _

___kinda surprised i haven't cried til now_ , a stray, coherent thought says. she ignores it, babbling as she unwraps her hands and turns to her girlfriend._ _

__(she didn't deserve her. she was a mess. a fucked up, insane mess.)_ _

__"m' sorry, m' sorry, so sorry sorry sorry," fawn says, quakes, curls up into herself, into sabrina, and grips the hem of her shirt like a lifeline. for a second, she swears she sees a flash of red in sabrina's eyes._ _

__"hey, hey you're okay, you're okay," she says, like a mantra. she holds her until she all but shivers and trembles, with her sobs reduced to somber silence and the taste of copper in her mouth._ _

__(she's not okay, she's not, she's not and they both know it,)_ _

__sabrina lifts her up, somehow, even though her bones felt like they were melting into the floor. carries her to the bed and lays her down easily. she murmurs something that fawn can't hear, though she sounds worried._ _

__fawn scoots away, doesn't want to see the look on sabrina's face as she slides in next to her. her position doesn't last long before sabrina's pulls her into her chest, arms wrapping around her waist and tugging her close. fawn doesn't look up at her, but appreciates the feeling of warmth radiating from the other body._ _

__when fawn falls asleep, she dreams of sabrina, disappointed, as she chokes on blood and ichor._ _


End file.
